Checking in: Why Does Sparkly Nail Polish Feel & Look Even Better After Crying??

This is a post from another blog of mine. I wanted to share this revelation with you all here... and give the "then what happened" an answer with my next post, because so much has fallen away, and so many seeds have taken root! 

-----Begin Post From July 16th, 2013----- 

No, it't not because tears in your eyes make the sparkles look all kaleidoscope-ish... it is surprisingly moving.

Ok, I think I've got this, I think...

I feign anger. It is clearly false & just a shell of what I'm truly feeling. I hold on to that empty shell so hard that my mouth won't open to speak and my neck is starting to twitch. Ok enough.

Finally I say something. And slowly, the oozy feelings start to leak through my "tough" exterior. 

I don't believe I am an artist. I don't think I will succeed at being a small business. I am scared to let people down by moving to another country (possibly) for grad school. WHAT IF I FAIL? I don't know how to do this. Shouldn't I be saving the planet by making major developments in environmental sustainability? and my favorite:

Can't I just don't know the future???

Hm.. well... Unfortunately, most of us who are blessed to be part of the homo -sapien genus, haven't quite gotten to perfecting our talent for knowing the future. (Probably due to our pesky To-Do lists.) And although I do believe in feeling what is right; in our hearts we get a sense of what might happen, we know when something is looming around the corner, I think there is something to be said about jumping into the next step.

We just can't know what the UNKNOWN holds for us. And that is one of the most beautiful elements of this life we get to live. The brevity, and the simplicity.  We feel like we need to add so much to complicate it all! And yet... and yet... it truly is as simple as being in this moment-right here-right now-all of yourself-all of your beautiful self.

Ahh... ok. Breathing is back. 

So, I spent a good 45 mins-at least-going further and further down my inner spiral stairs, deepening my introspection, and come to find out, the dream that I AM  so clear about on the surface, is the big scary thing hiding down there afraid to come out, full throttle!  (It was a good thing we were on a 5 hour road trip to visit family.)

Lets back track for a moment:

It's hard growing up. (uh, duh?) But I think it gets harder when you are finally, for real, becoming an adult (adult readers forgive my innocence and naïvety, I know, I know I just don't know but this is what I got.) I think that it's more subtle what you loose during this time, going from young adult to-ADULT. Of course we don't just loose more and more, we are gaining all the time! But being in this moment this is what I feel. 

 I feel less unique, less imaginative, less into the funky and completely different. This is probably more aptly called a refining of taste process. Ok, I like this. I like refining. But changing is hard. It's hard becoming something more! I like this feeling; the experience, the excitement, the emergence. It's just different. It's the UNKNOWN. AHHH!! RUN! Ok, just kidding. But that is our natural instinct, right? Fight or flight? And we see change as something which may threaten what we have already invested in, in our oh so precious lives. But this is not what makes our hearts skip a beat, or our eyes shine with happiness. Running away isn't what we truly want! 

And getting back to the Sparkly nail polish bit at the beginning:

For some strange stroke luck, living in this 21st century moment means that 

Nail Junkie Glitter
+
Lagoon Blue
=
Happiness. 

Haha! I know, right?!? Nuts. 

Ok, let me explain. 

 I used to paint my nails all sorts of wacky colors. I would create patterns and paint my friends nails with them too. Spending my free time perfecting all those funky techniques. Clearly going through my "struggling to find my voice through my nail lacquer" adolescence phase. And my favorite thing in the world at that time? Yup, SPARKLES! 

Side Story to emphasize: Once, in preschool, I fought over ONE sequin. You know those tiny plastic sparkle things with a tiny hole in the middle? Yup. IT WAS A GONNA BE MINE BABEH! Uh.. any way... I like sparkles.. love might be an appropriate word. I even talked my Nana into buying me Dorothy style red glitter covered slippers instead of patent leather. I know, right? 10 X more practical! (and a million times more glitzy!)

And, jumping back to now: 

I no longer wear those amazing red sparkle covered shoes, but I have been on the hunt for a deep blue nail polish; CVS selections failing me, and Walgreen's just not making the cut. And then, today, while grabbing some kombucha (perhaps a post on this-kombucha-later), I thought I would give a quick check for the ideal blue. And LO AND BEHOLD! Lagoon by Gabriel. (AND the best part: not tested on animals!)

Magic has shone it's sparkly spirit... 

Combining this with Sinful Colors "Nail Junkie" makes my inner tween jump with glee, around and around, spinning hand in hand with my less-fearful artist self! 

What a weekend! Working through some fears and  finding the perfect blue nail polish to guide my inner creative & unique self out further onto the surface!! Deep breath in and out.  

Sparkle on. :)

Here is to living our bliss, wearing sparkles on our nails, and living our true unique self-made lives without FEAR. Or maybe just living with fear well. 

Here is to loving ourselves. 

Is there a special something you've been thinking of lately that would make you jump with excitement just because? Some thing that would make your inner girlie happy? Something pink? Something blue? Something fun & new? It is always fun to share! :)

-Erin